10 Stupid Things Couples Do to Mess Up Their Relationships by Dr. Laura Schlessinger

Author:Dr. Laura Schlessinger
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: HarperCollins

“I Don’t Want to Grow Up!”

Sometimes people don’t really want to grow up. Some of those people still get married—and some of those people have babies. All of those people hurt the ones they’ve vowed to protect.

The “I don’t wanna grow up” types believe that being married and having children should in no way curtail their fun times. Sometimes it’s their hobbies. (“He has always been an avid hunter and spends great amounts of time, money, and energy on bow hunting. Often I felt as if I was low on his list of priorities after work, hunting, and fishing. When does it all end?”) Or, it’s hanging with the buddies. (“…Maybe golfing with the guys and returning drunk or four-wheeling with his pals. Our divorce was final and he hooked up with a twenty-year-old who moved in with him and got pregnant right away.”) Or it may mean just opting out of the picture altogether. (“He informed me that being with me and the twins would be like being in prison. I loved him with all my heart. I wanted the American dream. He wanted to go out with friends, and just not grow up. You know, it took him four days to go to give blood for our son, because he was too busy. I do believe that his priorities were a little messed up.”) These immature types choose their own immediate gratification over their obligations and well-being of their (supposed) loved ones.

It’s very difficult to reach these folks. I remember that when I was counseling couples, the childlike member felt entitled to the fun…because: Their spouse was a drag and never wanted to do anything, the house was a mess, the children were a problem, they were entitled because they worked so hard, it’s what they always did and he/she picked them knowing that, life is short, this is a free country, and on and on.

The bottom line is that these types do not live to give anything, hence they make bad spouses and parents—and they show their spots when you’re dating. Some of you wish to be blind because “you’re in love” or you’re desperate, or you think it’ll change, or it seemed cute at the time. Here’s one letter from a listener who ought to jump ship—how obvious can it get?:

“My boyfriend is a full-time college student and also has a full-time job. He doesn’t save his money because he wants to buy all of this ‘new, fool stuff.’ He has a car that runs pretty good and he has no ambition to move out and be independent of his parents. I, on the other hand, have been on my own for five years and I have a newer car, a decent job, and make the same amount of money he does, but he has a total lack of responsibility with his money. He wants a brand-new car that’s about $20,000. And he can’t afford it. He doesn’t want to move away from home either. His

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